If Santa was a narcissist,

And why shouldn’t he be,

He’d come right through the chimney,

And say “where’s the gifts for me?”

He’d ask why you expect him,

In the middle of the night,

With all the new deliveries,

It’s extra for his flight,

He’d tell you that you’re horrible,

For wanting Christmas cheer,

And blame you for ignoring him,

Eleven months a year,

He’d tell you that his reindeer quit,

The worst reindeer of all,

Poor Rudolph couldn’t take the heat,

When Santa stormed the mall,

And Santa truly made a scene,

And made the babies cry,

Instead of “Merry Christmas”,

He said “Ho Ho Ho Goodbye!”

He told the children they were bad,

And getting lumps of coal,

Because they didn’t travel miles,

To visit the North Pole,

And all the elves went crying home,

When Santa made a scene,

He told them if they want to stay,

They need to cook and clean,

And Santa was not merry,

Or as jolly as can be,

He kept on leaving lumps of coal,

Beneath the Christmas tree,

He blamed the children for their tears,

And said “that’s what you get”,

“For if I hadn’t come today,

I’d have my reindeer pet”,

“It only is because of you,

That Rudolph quit his job”,

“And next year I’ll bring half a lump,

So don’t you start to sob”,

So Santa ruined Christmas,

And dashed off into the night,

And somehow in the morning,

There was merry Christmas light.